Guess who's back?

I left my poor little blog because I was sucked into the shiny new world of myspace, like a damn squirrel to tin foil. The picture hosting sounded cool, the people, and ways of staying in contact, but alas, too many people started reading your twin brother. Not identical twins though, dizygotic to be sure.

And, take a guess at what I'm going to do on here that I can't do on the more public blog; complain.

I figure that I have to get these feelings out some way and it's been far to long since I wrote everything away.

I've been so unhappy as of late. Not with anything in particular either. Just unhappy in general. School is the exact same; day in, day out. I wake up every morning and try my hardest to come up with reasons to leave my bed. They're not the usual "my bed is so comfy, I don't want to leave" deal, but rather I have a very difficult time finding reasons to just make it through the day.

Did I mention that the last 4 days I've woken up at exactly 4 AM? I can't get to bed after it either.

It's time for new classes, but even the new ones feel old and tired. They're all the same and it depresses me to know that I only have 6 or so more years to go. Ugly prognosis. I find myself, sitting there like a zombie. Writing till my hand is as numb as my mind.

I feel like a complete asshole for saying this because I can think of at least one person that wants it more than me.

Work is even more of the same. It used to be that I would care enough to not want to go there. Even looking back through old entries, I can read about times that I dreaded it. Now, I don't care. I just go, pretend to be the same fake person, selling things that are useless, and always keeping it in the back of my mind that I have to pretend to be someone else enough to meet the daily expectations.

I don't really have an appetite. I'm starting to think that it wasn't my Protonix in the first place, but school instead. Now that the new semester started, I feel the same as I did when I went on the meds. Over the break I had a voracious appetite, now, I can't force myself to eat a sandwich. The very thought makes me feel uneasy.

My friends are as fickle as the wind. One day, they call me, the next, I find that they're hanging out without even asking me. I can't fight the feelings of alienation.

And now, let's move on to the best, and most depressing topic. Julie and I. We've been having problems. Fighting over ridiculous things, me feeling insecure (however, this time I think that I'm completely justified), and us just plain not getting along.

Well, it's about time I tried to get some sleep. 7AM comes menacingly early.

-Brian